Why did the terrapin cross the road?

 AL GORE
 I fight for the terrapins and I am fighting for the terrapins right
 now. I will not give up on the terrapins crossing the road! I will
 fight for the terrapins and I will not disappoint them.
I invented the terrapin!

 PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
 I don't believe we need to get the terrapins across the road. I
 say give the road to the terrapins and let them decide. The
 government needs to let go of strangling the terrapins so they
 can get across the road.

 PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH (AGAIN)
We don't really care why the terrapin crossed the road.
We just want to know if the terrapin is on our side of the road, or not.
The terrapin is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.

JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the terrapin cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
terrapin's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

 SENATOR LIEBERMAN
 I believe that every terrapin has the right to worship his or her
 God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual
 journey and no terrapin should be denied the right to cross the
 road in his or her own way.

 VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY
 Terrapins are big-time because they have webbed feet. They could swim if
 they wanted to. Terrapins don't want to cross the road. They don't
 need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in
 crossing the road myself.

DONALD RUMSFELD
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the terrapin crossing the road.

 RALPH NADER
Terrapins are misled into believing there is a road by the evil
 tire makers. Terrapins aren't ignorant, but our society pays
 tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures
 terrapins into believing there is an advantage to crossing them.
 Down with the roads, up with terrapins.

 PAT BUCHANAN
 To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

 BILL CLINTON
 I did not cross the road with THAT terrapin. What do you mean by
 "terrapin?" Could you define "terrapin" please?

 GEORGE BUSH
 I don't think I should have to answer that question.

 JERRY FALWELL
 Because the terrapin was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
 see the plain truth in front of your face? The terrapin was going
 to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other
 side." Yes, my friends, that terrapin is gay. And, if you eat that
 terrapin, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all terrapins
 until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
 whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other
 side". That terrapin should not be free to cross the road. It's
 as plain and simple as that.

 DR. PHIL
The problem we have here is that this terrapin won't realize that
he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road
before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road.
What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by
not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH
Well I understand that the terrapin is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
terrapin learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this terrapin a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the terrapins.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN
We have reason to believe there is a terrapin, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
terrapin tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of shedding, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

JUDGE JUDY
That terrapin crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that terrapin was going. I had a
standing order at the Ghuong Zhou Food Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level.

 MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
 I envision a world where all terrapins will be free to cross
 without having their motives called into question.

 ARISTOTLE
 It is the nature of terrapins to cross the road.

 KARL MARX
 It was a historical inevitability.

 SADDAM HUSSEIN
 This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
 justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

  BILL GATES
 I have just released eTerrapin 2006, which will not only cross
 roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
 balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an
 inextricable part of eTerrapin. The platform is much more stable
and will never cra..#@&&^( C \.....reboot.

 FREUD
 The fact that you are at all concerned that the terrapin crossed
 the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

 EINSTEIN
 Did the terrapin really cross the road or did the road move
 beneath the terrapin?

 DR. SEUSS
 Did the terrapin cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!
 The terrapin crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not
 been told!

 ERNEST HEMINGWAY
 To die. In the rain.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the terrapins in the world crossing roads together -
in peace.

 GRANDPA
 In my day, we didn't ask why the terrapin crossed the road.
 Someone told us that the terrapin crossed the road, and that
 was good enough for us.

 CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
 To boldly go where no terrapin has gone before.

 FOX MULDER
 You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
 terrapins have to cross before you believe it?

 THE BIBLE
 And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the terrapin,
 "Thou shalt cross the road." And the terrapin crossed the road,
 and there was much rejoicing.

 GHUONG ZHOU FOOD MARKET MERCHANT
 I missed one?
 

Ode to Terrapin
by Rick Van Dyke

Oh, Diamondbacks!
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways-
Thine infinite array of colors and patterns hath smitten my heart and my eye,
thine alabaster and ebony skin hath entranced me,
I am totally enraptured by thy response to me everytime I walk by thy container,
which I know to be endearments for me, not merely a plea for more sustenance,
because how couldst thou be famished again as I just fed thee 5 minutes ago?
Thou art altogether much more lovely than all other species put together
(especially those freaks of nature with the too-long napes that make them look
like....nay, I will not say it here in a family forum, but may it be sufficent
that I suggest it),
I sleep in peaceful slumber with dreams of cavorting lovely terrapins.
How couldst any go to another?